My Girlfriend Keeps Asking Me To Go And Watch The Opera With Her

My Girlfriend Keeps Asking Me To Go And Watch The Opera With Her

My girlfriend keeps asking me to go and watch the opera with her. She is really passionate about it but I’m really not interested in going. How do I get out of it?

Well, first of all you should go as your girlfriend is passionate about it and I’m sure she’ll love that you are going with her. You’ve got to make these sacrifices sometimes. Secondly, you might actually end up enjoying it.
I’m reminded of a time my wife wanted me to go and watch an orchestra perform. I really could’nt be bothered as I clearly wasn’t going to enjoy it. But, I decided to make the sacrifice and go along to this thing anyway.
The seat was very comfortable which was nice. It meant I might be able to get a little bit of secret sleep. Then the orchestra started playing. Violins and Flutes played a magical melody together. I lean back in the seat and suddenly I’m floating calmly down a river on a giant leaf. There appears to be a tiny golden monkey, floating down stream next to me on a shoe.
It’s at this point I should tell you that I had taken LSD. I was going to go sober but I thought there was a chance the whole thing might drag on a bit.
The Orchestra’s Cellos swell up and the music changed the atmosphere in the theatre from magical to a much darker feel. The monkey slowly turns it’s head to me. He looks sad. It seems the orchestra’s haunting melody is reminding him of a lost loved one. He gives me a thumbs up that says, “I know you can see the pain in my eyes but it’s okay, it’s just a memory from a time long passed. I guess some pain never leaves. The only consolation is that the pain that sticks with us, is always the most beautiful.”

The monkey looks out over the water, his frown slowly turning to a smile as he ponders better times. He thinks of Little Jimmy and what he will grow up to achieve. He has wanted to be an archaeologist for as long as the golden monkey can remember. Mrs. Monkey isn’t on earth to see Jimmy follow his dreams but maybe, somewhere, she is watching him. Guiding him on life’s quest.
The percussion joins in with the rest of the orchestra, bringing a much more vibrant energy to the room. The monkey tapped his foot and nodded his head. He’s taken back to his school dance. He’ll never forget picking up the courage to ask Mrs. Monkey to dance. Oh, how that night shaped his future. A memory that reminds him to live life to the full, to grab every chance the universe presents with both hands. Even if he doesn’t have opposable thumbs. He thinks there could be another dance happening somewhere in the world right now, another Mrs. Monkey waiting in the crowd with no one to dance with. Maybe it is time now to venture a new path, to follow a new stream and see where the river takes him.
The monkey turns to me and smiles. He didn’t need to say a word, his eyes told me everything. Life is short. I’ve been travelling down this river for too long. It’s time I found a new life, a new river and a new shoe to float in. I suggested a Nike Air Max. He said, “I think water would get in the bubble thing in the bottom.” I replied “Good point.” Ahead the river split in to two. He turned to me and wished me farewell. He went to speak, I could tell this was a moment of importance. The monkey was about to tell me some life advice I would carry with me for all my days…
Then my wife sneezed, I snapped out of it and was back in the theatre. Typical.

Latest Articles

The Midnight Gospel

September 22, 2020


September 16, 2020

The Hidden Life of Trees – Peter Wohlleben

September 14, 2020
Comedy, Interesting

25 of the Best British Sitcoms

August 25, 2020

TV: Travels By Narrowboat

August 24, 2020

Is This The Funniest Man On Twitter?

August 23, 2020